("Quid coniuratio est?")
MURDER, BANK FRAUD, DRUGS, AND SEX
By Nicholas A. Guarino
-+- Short Report -+-
On their 1979 income tax, Hillary valued Bill's used undershorts -- donated to charity at the end of their action-studded tour of duty -- at two dollars a pair.
Plainly, we are dealing here with a couple that gives loving attention to detail in matters of deductions.
As you may recall, however, Clinton has proclaimed over and over that he simply "forgot" to deduct the $68,900 he claims he lost on Whitewater. Commentators have been mystified by the paradox.
But it's no mystery to me. The reason is obvious: Bill didn't deduct the $68,900 because he didn't lose a dime on Whitewater, and he didn't want to do time for tax fraud. Period.
Jim McDougal put up all the money except for $500 -- and Bill borrowed even that.
But weep not for Jim. Not only was he Bill's partner in Whitewater, but he owned Madison Guaranty S&L, which was the designated milk cow that provided most of the inflated loans. Weep instead for the taxpayers -- like you and me -- who picked up the $66 million tab when Madison folded.
-+- The Paperless Office Is Pioneered -+- by the Rose Law Firm
Will Bill and Hillary go to jail for masterminding all the land deals that fall under the label Whitewater?
I expect they will [CN -- Don't bet on it.] -- not because of existing documents, but because of the testimony of subpoenaed people.
The few remaining documents will play a supporting role, but frankly, friend, there aren't many left. According to grand jury testimony: On February 3, 1994, right after Fiske became special counsel for Whitewater, the nice folks at the Rose Law Firm fired up their high-speed Ollie-o-Matic paper shredder and ordered courier Jeremy Hedges to slice 'n dice his way into the history books by destroying twelve (12) cartons full of Whitewater documents. As far as anyone knows, Rose now has no more Whitewater records than you do.
Actually, a lot of the usual documents were never created in the first place. For instance, there was no written partnership agreement (don't try this at home). No transactions were written up, even though Clinton's real estate agent says there were $300,000 in sales. No deeds were ever recorded. And if any interest was paid on bank loans, the payment checks are missing.
Plus, after Whitewater, Bill got very smart and kept his name completely out of every subsequent deal he cut. But the Whitewater monies, probably several million, ricocheted from shell company to shell company like the basketball in a Harlem Globetrotters warmup drill, and every dollar wound up in the proper pocket. Beneficiaries included many of the biggest names in Arkansas -- like Gov. Tucker, Seth Ward, and some very powerful executives from outfits like Wal-Mart and Tyson's Chicken -- Clinton campaign backers all. (Campaign records for 1982 and 1984, the two most suspicious years, have also been studiously shredded.)
And Bill, who entered public office with nothing but debts, and who never made over $35,000 a year as governor, is now worth about four to five million. A real rags-to-riches, American success story, isn't it? Kind of puts a lump in your throat.
But there's one other reason for Bill's success. In a word, Hillary. Prepare to be shocked as you learn...
-+- Why the Feds Settled for $1 Million -+- on $60 Million in Debts
You'll find this one hard to believe, so read carefully.
ITEM: When Madison Guaranty folded, it was somewhere between $47 and $68 million in the hole. The tab has settled at $65 million.
ITEM: One of the biggest defaults was $600,000 in loans to one of Madison's own directors, Seth Ward, who is the father- in-law of Webb Hubbell. Webb happened to be Hillary's law partner and until April  was the No. 3 man at the Justice Department -- and assigned to investigate Whitewater!
ITEM: When the RTC cleanup crew took over Madison, Hillary had been on retainer to Madison [Guaranty S&L] for many months.
Got it so far? O.K. Now, the RTC lawsuit sought $60 million from Madison Guaranty's debtors. But here's what happened:
Vince and Hillary were, by the way, very, uh, close. Not only were they partners at Rose, but there's no shortage of people who saw them hugging and smooching in public. Arkansas troopers say that when Bill took a trip on state business, Vince was often at the mansion gates within minutes -- and would stay till the wee hours. They also spent a few weekends together at the Rose vacation cabin in the mountains. And when Hillary filed for divorce from Bill in 1986, Vince was right there at her side. (She withdrew the suit [later on].)
-+- 178 Years in Club Fed -+-
Nobody ever accused Bill Clinton of being stupid.
As proof, look at the Congressional hearings. What a hoot! Bill had them stacked so that fully 99% of all Whitewater crimes were off limits!
This left our dignified Congressmen sternly chasing the remaining 1% of petty misdemeanors with hardly a mention of fourteen years of felonies: shell games, killings, break-ins, coverups, threats, bribes, thefts, check kiting, payoffs, arson, money laundering, fraud, influence of testimony, tampering with witnesses, you name it...
And Bill managed to focus 100% of the attention on [Roger] Altman, [Bernard] Nussbaum, [Lloyd] Cutler and others, with none of it on himself. You have to admit, that's pretty smart maneuvering.
In February, The American Spectator added up two pages of Bill's alleged crimes, and the total potential penalties came to $2.5 million in fines and 178 years in prison. And they just listed the piddly stuff, like tax fraud and soliciting bribes; they didn't even mention the heavier incidents I listed above! (They did include a short roster of Hillary's much lighter penalties, totaling only $1.2 million and 47 years.)
Is such punishment excessive? I think not. Even if you ignore the mayhem, the Clinton economic damage has been severe. Counting Clinton's Arkansas Development Finance Authority, which never awarded a bond grant without a major campaign contribution and Bill's signature, he sucked over a billion dollars from state and federal taxpayers.
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Please forgive me for sounding dramatic, but this is a dark day for the republic.
I apologize for giving you such an avalanche of appalling news. God knows, I've tried to keep my tone somewhat light, but I realize that you are probably still alarmed.
Unfortunately, I must now go on to tell you about the impact all this is going to have on your own financial future, and that could be the worst news of all -- by far.
But unlike all the depressing matters you've just read, there is a bright silver lining to it. Yes, I do think it's the darkest day for the republic since World War II. [CN -- Guarino goes on from here to state that "the troubles ahead" will ironically give you a great opportunity to improve your finances. He tells the reader to open "the enclosed envelope" which I, unfortunately, do not have because I received this pamphlet from someone else.]
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Footnote: I [Nicholas A. Guarino] serve notice that I am not depressed in the least, and that if anything happens to me, I publicly accuse Bill Clinton and his circle of power.
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CN -- There ends Mr. Guarino's narrative. For the record, I also "serve notice" that I am looking forward to the denouement of the Clinton mysteries and therefore if anything happens to me I would miss the final curtain -- a circumstance I would much regret.
I encourage distribution of "Conspiracy Nation."
Coming to you from Illinois -- "The Land of Skolnick"