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("Quid coniuratio est?")
"CONSPIRACY NATION" HAS NO FRIENDS
Having just received an e-mail from a reader whose signature informs me he is a "journalist" -- in other words, a "real" corporate journalist and not like you, Conspiracy Nation, likely to say who knows what -- in which I was warned that unless I made things crystal clear to this fellow, he was going to stop reading Conspiracy Nation, I responded in two words: "F*** y**."
I bet this tweedy fellow about sh** in his pants. Hmm... I wonder if he will cancel?
Mr. Prim and Proper warned that he "didn't like the tone" of my "What is Satire" essay. Furthermore, he entered his complaint to yours truly, the Complaint Department, that he is in a huff about Professor Orlin Grabbe's recent essay, "An Apology and Good-Bye". Warned this fellow: "Give me hard news -- no satire -- or else I will stop reading Conspiracy Nation."
Of course, if he does quit reading, that will mean 100 less Green Stamps that I get from the Green Stamp people based on how many readers there are. And being that close to having put together enough Green Stamp books that I can finally get the patio furniture my heart is so set on, his warning, I confess, put great fear into my heart.
But then I remembered something Joseph Pulitzer said in 1904. Pulitzer had a newspaper called the New York World. He asked a judge of his acquaintance what he thought of the New York World:
JUDGE: "It is a great paper. But it has one defect."
PULITZER: "What is that?"
JUDGE: "It never stands by its friends." PULITZER: "A newspaper should have no friends."
Which means Conspiracy Nation is not a popularity contest. Conspiracy Nation is ugly, needs a shave, and scowls a lot. It is not like those chirpy bubbly fellows and gals you get on the television, the ones that will gladly kiss your ass with a smile.
Conspiracy Nation feels free to carry articles by that nasty Orlin Grabbe fellow, the one that's always so downbeat and cynical and all.
Conspiracy Nation will continue to carry articles by that dreadful Sherman Skolnick. Yes, the guy is just so gauche, and yes his father was a garment worker, and yes he "lacks schooling" and all that -- but it's just that, for some reason, people are interested in what he has to say.
Conspiracy Nation notes that some readers feel our use of satire harms our "credibility". "Please, no satire, or else I will stop reading what you send out," say these Lords and Ladies.
Conspiracy Nation notes the buzz that one poster declares outright that we are "no longer credible." (Gasp. Conformity is even creeping into the "patriot" movement.)
But credibility means "to believe" and our position has never been blind belief but rather "food for thought". We want you to think. We don't want you to "believe".
Final note: the Editor-in-Chief is a wild man, but thankfully, middle age has mellowed him out a bit. Even so, he is apt to do "outrageous" things, things that "journalists" from calm, staid, "credible" corporate-backed outlets -- the "good" little boys and girls -- would just absolutely never ever do.
So you say you're gonna cancel? Bye. Good luck. Happy trails.
I encourage distribution of "Conspiracy Nation."
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